Does my husband want to live with me?
There’s a trend in weddings today where a lot of thought and time is put into the wedding guest book. When Paul and I got married, we ordered a small plain white book with page after page of lines for signatures. At a recent wedding Paul and I attended, the couple had an open Bible at the guest book table with a sign asking us to highlight our favorite verse and sign our name beside it. Though it may not be the type of verse they expected someone would choose, I circled a verse in Proverbs that I think about often. It says, "Better to live on the corner of a roof than with a quarrelsome wife".
Haha. Wow! The corner of a roof? Does it get much worse than that? I remind myself often that when Paul comes home, well... uh, he has to live with me. This man’s life and the experiences he has every day are very much impacted by me. His LIFE. I greatly affect this man’s life! How I act; how I speak; how I love. Honestly, I have not always been great at how I behave at home. There was actually a moment in our marriage where Paul confronted me. I may share that story one day. Now, I try to be very conscious of not being quarrelsome. Instead, I try to make my words positive and intentional. This may come easy to some of you... but I’ve had to work at it.
Today, I want to share with you the fourth element of the Blessing. I am also going to give you some examples of how missing this element in our every day lives can be detrimental.
The fourth element of the Blessing is Picturing a Special Future. So far we have Meaningful Touch, the Spoken Word, and Expressing High Value. Our hand is on the person we’re giving the Blessing to, we’re speaking out loud, and we’re telling them they are special and have purpose. Now, we’re putting into their heart and mind what we see is possible for their future.
Before I give you an example of picturing a special future, I’m going to give you an example of doing the opposite.
A mom is sitting on a bench at a playground watching her children run and play. A friend happens to walk up with her children and sits down excited to see her. "Hey! How are you? How is back to school?"
“We're great. School is ok. We’re struggling a little. Luke just isn’t into school. He’s unmotivated and drives his teachers nuts."
We all recognize these kind of conversations right? Does it even sound normal? We moms say our kids are “nightmares", that they’re “lazy", that they are "loud and talk too much”. Are you now running over in your mind all the things you say about your children? Or perhaps you are remembering the things your parents said about you? We think these words are harmless… but they’re not. Our children hear us.
Trent and Smalley say that "when it comes to predicitions about their future, children are literalists-- particularly when they hear predicitions from their parents, the most important people to them on earth."
If it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than with a wife who is negative, how is it any better for my children if I’m teasing and jabbing at them? At least my husband is a grown man who can filter out some of what I say. But my children receive my words as truth.
We did a session with a precious family a few weeks ago. As Paul photographed, they held their girls and spoke words of Blessing to them. These were their words...
"Aubrey, you are compassionate, confident, and honest. You are a bearer of truth. You will change the world."
"Alexis, you are brave, bold, and fearless. You are a force God will use to lead and serve the world."
Look at this precious child’s face. You can see it. Little Aubrey believes what her mother is saying to her. She is forever changed.
Your words impact others' futures. My words impact my children and my husband for the good or for the bad. I’d like to think if I choose my words well, they will prefer living inside the house.